I have been very quiet recently, this post is to try to explain why. I am ‘back’ now and will post regularly again going forward.
Around three months ago our world and family life changed irrevocably when one of our boys was diagnosed with a serious, life-changing and life-long illness. This has been a massive shock to my whole family and the circumstances leading to the diagnosis were very traumatic which exacerbated the emotion and trauma. The most important thing now is that he is stable and we are managing to keep him that way.
I haven’t been able to get out as much as normal during this time, this is partly down to reduced spare time but also sheer exhaustion. There have been so many times where everything has felt overwhelming and this is emotionally exhausting. We have got this, I haven’t doubted that at any point but finding out your child has a serious illness feels a lot like grieving, as parents we want nothing but the best for our children and a diagnosis like this is devastating. It’s an all consuming battle just to cope which also comes with an added huge impact on daily life. I am trying hard to be kind to myself but it can be difficult.
Stress and anxiety levels have been off the scale all whilst trying to appear ‘normal’ to both our lovely boys. In all fairness we have achieved this with a reasonable amount of success but it has been a big challenge. Life feels much closer to normal now and there are lots more ups than downs, almost everything we do requires a little extra planning and consideration but this is how it is now and I will do everything I can to ensure life goes on as normally as possible and the whole family stays as healthy as possible.
I need my trees, open water and fields more than ever right now and I am again determined to find time and ways to bring them back into my world. I am back to running regularly and I have managed to swim a couple of times but it has very much become a case of grabbing time and then feeling guilty for it.
So many habits have been broken but so many parts of our lives have had to continue as if nothing has happened. I have become very conscious of the aspects of our lives that have had to change and what has had to stay the same. I have still had to work full-time throughout (except for the week I had off work when we were in hospital) but the things we do for ourselves have had to slow down or stop entirely. These are the things needed to calm and focus the mind which we have desperately needed.
I have so many people to thank for all their help and support, you know who you are! I also feel I have let many people down. When I say I am going to be somewhere, I am usually very reliable but not so much recently. I am sorry for that but I know people understand.
When I started this blog I never envisioned something this would happen but it does give me extra focus and maybe even something in common with some readers who have gained anxiety or similar because of an experience similar to ours. I am back and will be writing more on this and other topics very soon.